What I AM

I think about art, craftsmanship, skills, talent and work a lot (see my NOT WORK SAFE post Art, Numbers and Mediocrity).

As an indie internet pornographer I do a lot of things that are "arts" or careers individually: photography, blogging, webmastering and design, advertising, etc. But if forced to pick one thing to practice and focus on to the exclusion of everything else, it wouldn't be photography or video editing or web design. It would be the thing I do the least: writing. FOR REAL.

It's funny how much time I've spent becoming halfway-decent making a living on other people's kinds of art while avoiding the one I am and want the most. Maybe because I care about it too much to fail as a writer. Maybe because I feel like I wasted four years of college NOT writing (and fifteen years since then) and there's no way I can catch up. Maybe because there are too many people who'd see me crash and burn. But mostly because I just don't have time. Because I do enjoy all of the other things I do. Maybe because I want to keep one fantasy and piece of my identity all to myself to balance out all the pieces of my guts that are exposed already.

*****

Note: I totally didn't keep up with whatever plan I made in my previous post here almost a year ago. Can't remember what it was . . . something about writing every day? At a certain time? Errrr . . . .