What I AM

I think about art, craftsmanship, skills, talent and work a lot (see my NOT WORK SAFE post Art, Numbers and Mediocrity).

As an indie internet pornographer I do a lot of things that are "arts" or careers individually: photography, blogging, webmastering and design, advertising, etc. But if forced to pick one thing to practice and focus on to the exclusion of everything else, it wouldn't be photography or video editing or web design. It would be the thing I do the least: writing. FOR REAL.

It's funny how much time I've spent becoming halfway-decent making a living on other people's kinds of art while avoiding the one I am and want the most. Maybe because I care about it too much to fail as a writer. Maybe because I feel like I wasted four years of college NOT writing (and fifteen years since then) and there's no way I can catch up. Maybe because there are too many people who'd see me crash and burn. But mostly because I just don't have time. Because I do enjoy all of the other things I do. Maybe because I want to keep one fantasy and piece of my identity all to myself to balance out all the pieces of my guts that are exposed already.

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Note: I totally didn't keep up with whatever plan I made in my previous post here almost a year ago. Can't remember what it was . . . something about writing every day? At a certain time? Errrr . . . .

New Schedule . . . or Not

I'm moving my two hours of writing a night to 8-10 pm (instead of 11 pm to 1 am).

Again, though, making this goal forces me to take a hard look at my priorities. When I sit down at the computer I know that if I choose to spend those hours writing for fun, I am choosing not to do work that actually puts money in the bank NOW. And we really need money in the bank now.

Ideally these two hours of writing would be ON TOP of my normal set of hours working; I would be working HARDER not just using my regular work hours to write.

In the end, I am happy as long as I'm being more productive and making this goal, whether I spend those hours on writing or on my other work, IS making me more productive.

I will get there, eventually.

Progress Report

I told my sister about my two-hours-a-day goal. She said, "TWO HOURS IS A LOT!"

She's right.

After a few days of keeping to my two-hours-a-night writing schedule, I fell off the wagon in a positive way; having a scheduled commitment to something usually helps me re-prioritize everything in my life; I realized I had to work on another project before I devoted time to writing for fun. I'm feeling motivated and excited, and in the general scheme of things that's what's important.

Now I need to figure out how and when to get back to my writing goal. I'm already in love with the characters in my head and want to bring them to life sooner or later . . . I go to sleep and wake up thinking about them.

Win a Copy of Best Sex Writing 2008!

WARNING: link is NOT WORK SAFE!

Check out how you can win a copy of _Best Sex Writing 2008_, featuring my article, "Menstruation: Porn's Last Taboo".

Schedule

Today I decided to devote two hours every day to writing. Not blogging, not figuring out WHAT to write, not web-design, not figuring out how to sell myself . . . just writing.

My goal is to be focused, consistent, and to get my ideas OUT of my head and play with them even harder. I am not going to worry about who's going to read them or whether or not anyone will want to publish them. I'm just going to work on satisfying myself.

You can support me and spy on my efforts by joining my porn site and watching me on my voyeur cams. My writing schedule is from 11 pm Pacific until 1 am (or later).